i need to start writing again

I have been so overwhelmed on trying to pass time. i've been downloading movies and tv shows(my latest obsession because a: it keeps the time go by and b: its free!) and watching them after work. dont really have a lot to do at work and whenever i do i kind of do it all at once, only to have nothing to do again. i want everything to start but mr. time rears it's ugly head and says.... "you have to wait, Mia. yes you do".

i miss him.

i miss his smell, i miss how he makes me laugh. i miss his touch. but i can't let him be the pinacle of my strength.

i've grown so much the past year. as soon as i got divorce i told myself i needed to move on and i thought i was until... i just wasn't. i was holding on to my ex husband George, and how much he meant to me. even looking back at all the fights and we have had, all the tears that i had cried, i couldn't help but notice that he loved the same trashy tv shows as me... loved japanese cartoons and would laugh at my jokes about them. how i'd be silly with him and him with me. but oh how time makes us forget the bad moments a lot.... all the infidelities and the lies. the time that he had a hot felatio session with my best friend in my living room while i was sick in the bedroom. that's what sticks me in the heart.

it's been 2 years in january and i think i have finally started letting him go. and i think i'd like to write him a letter:

dear george,

its been a time with you. and i will never forget everything that we did. thank you for being someone that i thought i wanted. there are so many qualities that i had loved that i was only finding solely in you. you had a wonderful, charming sense of humor... we had the same interests and you loved me at one time... the way that i wanted to be loved. i am happy that you have found someone that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, because that is so rare. i wish you well on your journey through life, and i think its going to be great one.

love, me.

being with david, makes me feel wonderful. there are times where i feel like my old bitchy self but in no way does that ever waiver my love for him. i just hope that we continue to try to keep god in our lives and that we will always be happy.