spirng cleaning came early this year. or is it late? actually i think its spring right now.

the games on facebook have taken over my life. i decided to erase all of them.

today was a pretty good day.. i've basically decided that i'm going to work on my arms and make them toner and stuff. pretty excited about it needless to say.

worked out, ran for ten minutes, and then i did some arm exercises. i then went to the usual meetings that are soooo boring. talking about how we should cater to the cadets blah blah blah. i will definitely not miss this about the pharmacy.

first day of working out

i had gotten up pretty early and ended up leaving at a decent time to get a good work out.

i had forgotten my headphones and ended up on the treadmill... thennnn off the treadmill after 3 minutes.

i need to start writing again

I have been so overwhelmed on trying to pass time. i've been downloading movies and tv shows(my latest obsession because a: it keeps the time go by and b: its free!) and watching them after work. dont really have a lot to do at work and whenever i do i kind of do it all at once, only to have nothing to do again. i want everything to start but mr. time rears it's ugly head and says.... "you have to wait, Mia. yes you do".

i miss him.

i miss his smell, i miss how he makes me laugh. i miss his touch. but i can't let him be the pinacle of my strength.

i've grown so much the past year. as soon as i got divorce i told myself i needed to move on and i thought i was until... i just wasn't. i was holding on to my ex husband George, and how much he meant to me. even looking back at all the fights and we have had, all the tears that i had cried, i couldn't help but notice that he loved the same trashy tv shows as me... loved japanese cartoons and would laugh at my jokes about them. how i'd be silly with him and him with me. but oh how time makes us forget the bad moments a lot.... all the infidelities and the lies. the time that he had a hot felatio session with my best friend in my living room while i was sick in the bedroom. that's what sticks me in the heart.

it's been 2 years in january and i think i have finally started letting him go. and i think i'd like to write him a letter:

dear george,

its been a time with you. and i will never forget everything that we did. thank you for being someone that i thought i wanted. there are so many qualities that i had loved that i was only finding solely in you. you had a wonderful, charming sense of humor... we had the same interests and you loved me at one time... the way that i wanted to be loved. i am happy that you have found someone that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, because that is so rare. i wish you well on your journey through life, and i think its going to be great one.

love, me.

being with david, makes me feel wonderful. there are times where i feel like my old bitchy self but in no way does that ever waiver my love for him. i just hope that we continue to try to keep god in our lives and that we will always be happy.

life is wonderful

I had met this awesomely wonderful person named David in the desert. We weren't the best of friends at first, in fact, i had thought he was pretty insufferable. slowly we got to know eachother and then we started noticing that we were both pentecostal christians, which was weird because i didn't know that anyone else knew what that was. we started going to church together, and it was such a blessing because i had found so much peace doing it. i joined the choir which i was really fun. i got diagnosed with ADHD and mind doesn't race as much.

needless to say, we fell in love.

he was stationed at wright pat abf, oh which was going to be a problem, his plans were to get out of the military and go to back to puerto rico and bum it out for a bit. instead, i told him that i wanted to be stationed in travis, and he BOPed there. for me. and he got it.

he asked me to marry me. and i really couldn't believe it. we had only been seeing eachother for a bit, but for some reason, i knew it was right.

we got back from the desert in december 2009. we took a trip to north carolina, hawaii, and oregon and it was pretty wonderful. we got married on valentines day 2010 and it was a magical night that included a honeymoon suite and a huge hot tub.

i got accepted to usf last month and i will be gettin gout of the military to attend there in the fall. we are trying to buy a house in vacaville, ca and i hope that we end up getting it.

i love life, and i thank god so much for this feeling. i never thought i could ever feel this way, and have this awesome person feel teh same way about me. i cant wait until we spend the rest of our lives with eachother.

my thoughts on panic attacks

i dont know why i still have them. i feel anxious and horribly confused. i dont want to go to see the doctor because i dont want them to think i am crazy. what should i do?

dream a little dream

i had a dream that about my spin instructor and i. for some reason we were hanging out and it was on the couch and i kissed him on the cheek and then he kissed me. we ended up making out all over the place. we had our clothes off and then aidan showed up, but i dont think he ever found out. weird. after that aidan and i rode off together on a motorcycle. it was a bumpy one, but it was above a hill so it was cool.

love

i have a speech impediment.
i know exactly what i'm supposed to say and yet i do not know how to express it through words. at least when i'm trying to explain this to others. i slur and stutter, as if english was not my first language, which is it. my heart races and i'm anxious just thinking about trying to get my point across.
im stupid, worthless, and have no sense of direction.
i am ugly. dark cloudy skin, dull brown eyes, and lips that are pale and i do not smoke nor drink excessively.
i would love to be one of the women that could stop a man in his tracks, to hypnotize him with one look. that's what i would love.
even more so, i just want to be the person that someone admires, and wants to love. i want to be the person that matters.