i dont know what it is about bryan. its like i can't get him out of my head, no matter how much i try. i give in to temptation so much, i hurt myself over and over again. the last time i saw him was last thursday, and i tried to be cool about everything, but he had to go on and ruin it and tell me he still cared about me. and then he doesnt' call me for more than a week. i dont know what to do, i keep wanting to see him, wanting his touch, wanting everything. its getting me deeper into this depression.
i've been taking sleeping pills every night, and throwing up almost every day. throwing up is the only thing that keeps me from staying sane. at first i did it because i felt guilty about eating so much, and then it almost consumes me. its like i hate the feeling of being so much and the fact that bryan can't love me that i just hurt myself, over and over.
i didn't even want to get into a relationship, but he insisted that i was the one. and now i'm sitting here wondering what i ever did. i hate this. i hate when people hurt me. i hate when i give people a chance and all they do is hurt me over and over again. is it really me?
people tell me that i push others away. this is why i can't let my heart go. because i get so damn emotional when they leave. just once, i want for someone to tell me that i matter to them. for a person to tell me that he's going to love me no matter what. i keep on getting effed over because i'm too nice and giving, i hate that. why can't someone just appreciate me?
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